Yesterday — as I was aimlessly scrolling through X and Facebook on my phone drinking coffee — I lost it. I nearly threw my phone against the wall. And all because of a meme that made me mad.
The meme basically was two pictures side by side. A woman displayed in each. One wearing a suit. The other one pajamas. The first woman’s side read: “I got my dream job.” The second woman’s side read: “I survived another day.” And then the overall title said: “Both should be celebrated.”
NO!
None of this should be celebrated. Getting a job is great. It deserves a congratulations upon landing this job. A celebration? Why not a parade on top of that? Surviving another day? Yes, if you have a mental disorder or illness that may be noteworthy. However, a celebration is not really the right answer here, either. What are you celebrating? What message are you sending the person? That they do not need to try harder and that this is as good as it gets for them? Hurray, you have peaked.
There is something to be said about me having to change my morning coffee routine. Maybe aimlessly scrolling is not really it for a woman my age. Letting that rest aside for a minute — I will get back to that — I am recognizing a pattern of letting sub par performance infiltrate our lives. An increase in articles and memes suggesting that not aiming high is the way to go.
Articles about the impossible task, bed rotting, time blindness and other extreme ways of self care seem to have taken over my time line. All of these feel like a masturbatory tendency to keep yourself in chains tied to a mediocre existence. To keep you stuck. Like a fly on a sticky pat. And you are supposed to like it. To want this. To feel normal that way.
A participation trophy for life.
It might be necessary to explain all these concepts. Because they are not intuitively explained by just reading them. And they appear in different context depending on who the influencer or blogger is describing them. So I will just give you the definitions I hear and read most often.
The Impossible Task: Often associated with depression. A task that you just cannot do. That is feeling like Mount Everest to climb. The task can be as simple as doing dishes. Doing laundry. Putting your clothes away or combing your hair. Here is an article that describes the phenomena as if it is a real mental condition. Maybe it is. However, you see teenagers and adolescents referencing this as if it is normal for everyone to have an impossible task and therefore they cannot be held accountable for not doing this said thing. My step daughter for example is accumulating mugs in her room. No matter how often we ask her to bring them down, she just does not until we threaten with severe consequences. She is not dumb. She does not have a mental condition. It has just become so normalized to not do normal day to day chores that it does not even occur to her that her behavior is neither cute nor tolerable.
Bed rotting: Another thing my step daughter does. Here is an article. Basically it means, you stay in bed for the day and do nothing but scroll on your phone, maybe take an extended nap or play some video games. But you just do not do anything actively. Yes. It is a thing. Mostly done as a form of extreme self care to escape the stress from work or life in general. Do we really believe that life and work has become so difficult that this extreme version of self care is the only escape and recovery option? What happened to going on a hike, working out, meeting with friends to recover from a stressful work day? Why is being passive like this helpful in any way?
Time blindness: As a German, this drives me crazy. Like batshit crazy. I mean, Germans are known for being on time all the time. No exception allowed. It gets drilled into us as kids. And it is considered extremely rude to be late when you are meeting someone. So, to me this is like baking rudeness into day to day interactions on purpose. Time blindness is often described as a ADHD symptom, it essentially means that you cannot be on time. Ever. This article clearly states it is not a diagnosable condition, yet, it does not prevent voices from asking for accommodation to address their time blindness. Yes, I have just recently read an open letter by someone asking her employer to make special arrangements for her.
As you can see, all these concepts are excusing bad behavior by pretending there is a condition that needs to be somehow accommodated. Like you need ramps for people with wheelchairs. And you are a bigot (maybe even a racist, wasn’t punctuality listed somewhere as a sign for white supremacy?) for not accepting these conditions.
We are no longer striving for excellence. Instead, we invent conditions to allow our bad behavior not only to fester, but to push the responsibility to change onto others. This way, we become permanent victims and everyone insisting on wha/t used to be normal behavioral etiquette to become the oppressor.
Yes, not everyone is equally skilled. However, in the past even little kids as young as five learned to tell time and to arrive at school on time. It was normal and expected to learn that. So everyone did. These days, we all are either mentally handicapped or bad people for expecting certain behaviors.
What is different now? Is this aimless scrolling on the phone that I am equally guilty of just another form of self hypnosis where you read the memes and short articles or sometimes just headlines and get indoctrinated with concepts that are essentially harmful for the human to human interaction? Not just because the phone is a filter already, but also because bad ideas — when you just see them often enough — are involuntarily absorbed as truths?
When is the last time you loudly said “no” when you read a bad concept or idea? When is the last time you locked your phone away and went on a walk without it?
When is the last time you said no to explanations that excused bad human behavior as a medical condition that we need to accommodate? Why do we need a medical explanation for laziness and selfishness?
Questions over questions and no real answer in sight. Welcome to the deterioration of human to human interaction. Have you been called a bigot, yet?
Also throw “quiet quitting” into this as well and you have a society whose standards drop even further. This over correction of stress does no one any good long term. The last 20+ years of self help has really done a number on us.
Bed-rotting: Yes. It is a thing. Mostly done as a form of extreme self care to escape the stress from work or life in general.
How is it self-care to curl up in bed all day and not do anything? Even when I'm sick, i try to get out of bed. As soon as my body wakes up, I'm trying to get out of bed.
I might sit in front of the computer or watch TV, or read a book, but it's never in bed.
Time blindness: As a German, this drives me crazy. Like batshit crazy. I mean, Germans are known for being on time all the time.
My grandad and great grandad and everyone on my dad's side came from Germany, so I'm in your boat. On time is late, 30 minutes early is acceptable, and hour is fine. I can't stand people that show up at exactly the moment they are supposed to punch the clock., and people that are late...don't get me started.