Freude

Some of the best words are butchered in a fake contexts

When was the last time you enjoyed something truly. When did you last think “This is joy?” I cannot really tell you about myself, but during the dark depressing times that followed after realizing that the only way out of my miserable life was a divorce that I neither really wanted nor had the energy to go through, I fell in love with a tree.

And no, I do not love-love the tree and am not one of those lunatics that want to marry one. So stop interrupting my story with these absurd thoughts.

I fell in love with a tree the following way. On my bi-weekly trip to my therapist, I passed by a tree that one day caught my eye. It must have been the way the sun hit it just right or maybe something else in the light. Yes, I had to go to the therapist that often. I had to completely rewire my brain and accept that leaving was the right option and that the divorce was not only necessary, but urgent. I was not the person I am today. I felt like a loser and failure, and — thanks to years of gaslighting and training — felt like a bad and dirty person that had no right to exist. I needed a rewire. A brainwash in reverse.

That day, it was October and the leaves were bright red like only maple trees can show. The crown of the tree formed this perfect circle and I fully believe that everyone who thinks “tree” pictures a tree just like this. Perfectly shaped. Perfectly grown. Just pleasant to look at.

Since during these dark times, where nothing felt good and right and I was wondering if I was better off dead, I forced myself to look at this perfect tree and enjoy the moment. If a tree like this could exist, not everything was bad, was my conclusion.

These days, since I switched jobs, the tree is on my way to and from work. I still look at it every day. It is sprouting leaves just as perfectly this spring as it has always done. And I think everytime I drive by “hi tree”. No, I did not name him, it is just “tree”.

The German word Freude has been somewhat tainted by the Nazi slogan “Kraft durch Freude” (Strengths through joy) that was used on posters and brochures throughout the 3rd Reich. And it should not surprise anyone that also the communist side heavily relied on the word joy in their propaganda. Stalin’s “Life has become better, comrades, life has become more joyful”, is clearly implying the same mandate that Hitler tried to establish. So did Mao rely on the word joy in his slogan “Mao’s word brings joy” to insinuate better times through his leadership.

It is the political version of the Christmas song “Joy to the World”. Telling people that with the new leadership joy has come and “you better be happy about it”. Yes, both communist and fascist ideologies rely heavily on religious undertones. Otherwise how do they get the masses to follow so easily?

The word joy in itself is not a bad word. And it is a very important concept that I like to think through with you. In almost all instances when people talk about how they feel it is easier in the context of being happy or not happy. And since I am not a native English speaker I did not know the difference between joy and happiness. Until about five minutes ago I would have thought they are synonymous.

They are not.

The German translation of happy is glücklich. Which essentially means lucky. Lucky is very clearly driven by something externally happening. You won something. Joy is an internal feeling. The meaning aligns with feeling a purpose, feeling delight and pleasure. With that experiencing joy and feeling joyful is more a skill you can develop instead of just something happening to you based on how the world and others act towards you.

Shouldn’t we all seek joy instead of happiness?

So, when is the last time you experienced joy? And how do you train yourself to feel it? These days I can feel it quite easily. When you had some really dark times behind you, the void of pain and suffering is creating space for more positive things. Initially, I felt like it was hard to invite anything joyful in. Like I did not deserve to feel this type of positive feeling.

Initially I did not even know what caused me to feel joy. Was it painting? Running? Just drinking a coffee … sorry, need to get the coffee that I poured 10min ago and forgot on the kitchen counter. Thanks for the reminder.

The above picture, I bought the first month after being alone in a big house after I kicked my ex out. It looks kind of like my kitchen and it is a reminder to myself that I can handle life alone and that I am allowed to enjoy the small things like a coffee in the morning.

I enjoy drinking a coffee at the kitchen table on Saturday mornings, knowing that I do not have to go to work and do not really need to do anything that day. That feeling of calmness is unbeatable. Writing on those days is adding even more pleasure. I often toy with the idea of shortcutting and using AI to write. But it would take away from the joy I get from finishing a piece. It is like my own personal diary that I share with you.

A few years ago, I learned a valuable lesson. I learned to share personal stories with others. I used to be a very private person that did not shared anything. I would not talk about negative elements of my childhood, even less about my previous marriage, but then… one day I found myself in the bathroom of my previous work on a very terrible day and a coworker walked in “how are you?” and I started crying. Well, at that point you need to share something… right? And it did wonders to both of us that moment. I learned she had been through a divorce to. And even though up to this point I did not really like her, she has become a really good friend of mine that I stay in contact with even now that we no longer work together.

Sharing opens doors. If done the right way.

I share more now these days and it works. If politics was not capturing everyone’s brain like a parasite causing brain-dead like behavior, we could all live together much better. And sharing would go over much easier.

But yet, you go on X and all you read is people tearing each other apart. There is indeed a sentiment on the left that is fundamentally evil. They seem to get their happiness from seeing others destroyed. J. Daniel Sawyer wrote about this much better than I can. And in a context I would have not picked. I would have talked about it communism vs capitalism, as individual vs collectivist, as female vs male. So I appreciate a different perspective.

I myself grew up working poor. Jumping class was incredibly difficult. Not because the jump was hard, but because it came with emotional ties that needed to be cut. I had to literally cut my ties to family and friends and the life I previously had as a child in order to get to where I am now.

The cost was high. Friends called me arrogant when I said I wanted to go to college. My family thought I was just selfish. I was not banished like you would be when you are part of certain religious groups, but I clearly chose a path that my family did not understand and I lost footing and grounding that others who stay within a class have. I was treated like traitor. Or someone that abandoned them. To this day I am still an outsider.

I know that I can do hard things. I deviated from the family path, I have left my home country, I left my former husband, and I left my prior job after 18 years to start over at a new company. The only reason I can do this is, because I learned to rely on my inner self. Whether it is strength or the ability to find joy in small places, I do not know. I know that many people have a really hard time with this and they are not able to assess a situation objectively and thus stay in bad situations way too long.

I have always been an outlier. When in the late 80s our religious teacher asked whether we believe being homosexual is a sickness, I was one of two out of twenty to say it is not an illness. My point is that I have almost always tried to apply logic to all arguments. I am not against abortion, but I believe that abortions should be safe and rare. And not done past a certain point (maybe three months) in a pregnancy. I do not believe in surrogacy, because it is child abuse to be sold of like cattle. I do not believe all cultures are equal and that it is insane that Iran ran has just been nominated to chair the UN Committee for the protection of women's rights, human rights, and the prevention of terrorism. What the fuck, UN. Seriously.

I do believe we all should start learning to find joy in life. Maybe by starting a new hobby. Maybe by just taking a walk each day and appreciating the blossoming trees.

My favorite thing to do when I am down or depressed is to go to the local cat shelter and play with the cats for an hour.

What do you do to find joy in your life?