Oh, the drama.
We all know drama when living with a narcissist. The self created drama that springs on you seemingly out of nowhere. Every day. Be it that all over sudden a previously scheduled time to leave for an appointment is no longer good enough and artificial urgency is created by stating “We should leave now, traffic sucks at this time.” Or be it the big giant fight over something banal like a bill or piece of garbage any time you want to leave to go somewhere.
My ex was a genius in being able to create a fight any time there was an event to go to or a family outing somewhere. If it was something important to him, he would cause drama by giving me behavioral instructions (“Don’t roll your eyes at my work colleague.” or “Don’t cause drama at my parents house.”) or pulling ahead the time we needed to leave. For example we said we would leave at noon to go to his parent’s house, but then by 10:30am, he would decide it was much better to leave at 11am. Treating me like an idiot when not seeing it his way or simply not being ready.
When it was something important to me, he would procrastinate or find other priorities. How many times did I scramble in the kitchen or house to get ready for a party (that he asked for, mind you) and he decided his time was best spent out in the yard edging the lawn or cleaning the garage. Like these little things that could have waited, but it made me look like an unthankful wife for complaining about him actually working around the house. Or he was just so incredibly slow: coming late from work, having to take a shower, taking forever to dress, checking his phone and texting non-stop (yes, I missed this very classical affair sign for years) until we left the house late.
It always resulted in a big fight. And fighting meant screaming match with door banging. There were so many incidents where I showed up to an event frazzled with puffy eyes from crying while my ex was his unaffected charming self looking like the sane one.
He is a garden variety narcissist.
What is worse than the garden variety kind? A narcissist that is sick. My new husband’s (yes, new and shiny) ex wife was really great at racking up emergency room bills. Asthma concerns or illnesses always required late night trips to the ER. For attention. Because who wants to be the bad husband not driving his “dying” (aka attention seeking) wife to the hospital. At 2 in the morning.
My ex became not only self centered but plainly evil every time he did not feel well. A lot of criticism and harsh comments trying to get me to react. I mean overreact. It was hellish.
Recently, I attended a bridal shower. I was amazed by how many women there had “allergies” or “food sensitivities” requiring something extra. I am talking half the women there. “I cannot have gluten”, “I cannot have dairy”, “I have so many allergies, I am not going to eat today”, “I am vegetarian”, and “Is the pasta really gluten free?”
We were at an Italian restaurant. I felt bad for the waiter.
And you know that most of the women make these allergies up. Younger women and teenagers often invent these restrictions to lose weight. Older women love the attention. A lot of them at the bridal shower did this because they were histrionics or narcissistic. How do I know? I have seen the bride. Crippled with anxiety mixed with a a form of sociopathy (yes, that, maybe I will describe it in a future post). She ate three bites of her meal. Her mom made sure of it.
So yes, Hypochondria, Munchhausen or Munchhausen by Proxy. The favorite tools in the Cluster B repertoire of a female narcissist. Cruelty and fights the choice of a male.
Let's stay healthy my friends.
Yes, those people can be very annoying, but so are the people who are totally offended when you are simply not interested or too full to dive in to the dessert that they "slaved" over.
Strange how food preferences have become some peoples’ identities, almost as if they see it as a kind of superpower… in public, that is. I wonder how many of those women hit the McDonalds drive thru after they left the restaurant? :)