The Case for Masculinity

The itsy bitsy spider... meets a man.

Someone has to kill that spider, right? It is clearly not me. If there was a spider in this room, I can guarantee you that I would not be here as well. I would be hiding somewhere … else.

Where I live — somewhat in the woods — we do have a lot of spiders. And big ones. A few years ago, a wolf spider mistook my house for hers… and it did not end well. For me, not the spider. The spider survived. My husband evicted her off the premises with a no right to return policy in place. He was kind enough to move her across the creek hoping that the spider would not be able to swim back across. I was very thankful for that. I do not like killing animals. I have killed spiders, though.

These days I have PTSD from that big spider exposing herself to me when I was in the basement storage room. I was trapped between the shelves and the escape route where the spider was suspiciously waiting for me. I screamed loudly. Much to the amusement of the other family members.
All with the consequences that I can no longer walk into this room without spider fears creeping up.

I really dislike spiders.

Snakes, no issue. Centipedes no issue, the same with rolli pollis or millipedes. They do not cause me any second thoughts. Spiders do.

I can open any pickle jar myself. I have tricks. I can remove small spiders without any issues. But I cannot deal with big spiders.

When I was in college I attended an open air concert somewhere in the woods of Southern Africa. Many local bands and everyone attending slept in tents during that 3 day event. It was an excellent event reminding me somewhat of what I imagined the original Woodstock was like. The next morning, I waited in line for one of the two toilets. Everything was co-ed. Meaning boys and girls would wait in the same line. I waited for about 20min. The girl in front of me came back out “There is a cute little spider on the wall.” I walked into the stall and… immediately backed out. The cute little spider was the size of my hand. And very, very hairy. I told the guy behind me, he walked in, and backed out even faster than me. Both of us then made it to the other line where we waited another 20min for our turns. It was so worth it.

This had not always been the case, but these days I appreciate manly men. The men who are strong, can lift heavy things, repair things, and can protect me from spiders. The guy behind me in the line at the concert clearly would not qualify. For the reason of being scared of spiders as much as I was. In any relationship you need to complement each other. I like the yin and yang of a relationship. One person to evict the spider while the other does something else; like making a sandwich.

I do not mind the feminine role in the household. Even though I classify more as a gender non confirming woman when it comes to interest, job, and skills. I am really good in math and think more logical than even most men would. I have a strong intuition in understanding how things work from software to mechanical applications. But I also love wearing dresses and skirts. And I do apply eye brow tint and mascara every day. Even when staying at home.

I barely have any upper body strength and to this day I am jealous of my husband who can drop down and do 50 pushups despite not having worked out in forever while I can barely pull off three even though I am regularly working out. I guess that is the difference between male and female.

I do not mind a dirty joke here and there. And I am clearly not offended if someone uses swear words in front of me. When I was younger I hated men opening doors for me. These days, I love that my husband insists on opening the car door for me when we are going out on a date night. It is a wonderful gesture of respect and love. I like that my husband who in his younger years was a karate black belt can protect me.

What is masculinity?

Masculinity has been so horribly misrepresented and vilified in recent years that it is very hard to describe. To me, it is a combination of the above. And I appreciate men that do not repress their masculine traits. What is really unattractive in a man to me is the following: obsessive grooming habits, feminine affect from speech to body movements, being overly whiny instead of solution oriented, over bloated muscles, being loud, dressing like a slob, and being disrespectful.

Essentially a man who is spending too much time getting ready and in front of a mirror is unattractive. The same goes for those that spend too much time at the gym.

Shouldn’t I like big muscles?

I like strong and functional muscles. I dislike the ones body builders represent where you feel it is just bloated for show and nothing functional with them. Also the body shape becomes caricature like. And that. is not really flattering. The same is by the way valid for women. I absolutely hate those women who spend too much time in front of the mirror, at the gym, and focus only on how they look. These are clearly disqualifies for any type of friendship.

What about tattoos?

Not my thing either. I just never hopped on the trend wagon. I like skin. Pure skin. I am even biased against piercings. A nose ring? Unattractive on a woman. Even worse on a man.

So, there you have it. The older I get the more classical masculinity I like. The more natural masculinity I like. The understated, calm, logical, and well dressed masculine man like the traditional James Bond type is great.

So thanks to all the men who resisted odd trends and who maintained some classical and traditional traits. I appreciate you!